Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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