1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize