I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
