I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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