im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize