I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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