wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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