i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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