Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
