I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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