Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
