Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
