This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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