When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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