guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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