Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
