The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
