I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
