I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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