Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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