Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
