Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
