I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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