I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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