my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize