Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am one with the molecules
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
