I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
