i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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