Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize