I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
