Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
