Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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