Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
