Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
