Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
