would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize