He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
