hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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