I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
