9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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