So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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