Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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