dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize