I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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