Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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