I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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