Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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