actually, I'm a sock model
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
