I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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