My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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