What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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