i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We are all done wearing pants today
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize