Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
