Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
