I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
