at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
