Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
