You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
