at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
