My vagina just recognized that song.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
