life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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