I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
