maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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