I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
