Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
