So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
