it's great music for shaving your balls
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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