I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
