I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
