oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
